What Now?
When Obedience Leads to a Wall Instead of a Win
I know God called us here.
He opened every door. He made a way where there was none. He healed things in me I didn’t even think were fixable. The kind of forgiveness that rips bitterness out by the root and replaces it with peace. There were signs. Confirmations. Miracles. I know we’re supposed to be here.
But now that we’re here, nothing is going how I thought it would.
Projects have stalled. Funds are drying up. I feel homesick, tired, unmotivated, and like my brain is too old and too overwhelmed to master this language fast enough to be useful. Some days I stare at a to-do list and can’t even figure out where to start. Some days I just want to go home. Not because I’m giving up, but because I don’t recognize myself in this space between obedience and clarity.
What do you do when the mission field feels more like a wilderness than a harvest?
What do you do when you’re sure you obeyed, but everything around you looks like failure?
The Part They Don’t Talk About
They don’t talk about the confusion.
They don’t talk about the depression.
They don’t talk about feeling too weak to carry the weight of a calling that once felt exciting.
They don’t talk about the silence that comes after the miracles.
The part where the daily grind feels painfully ordinary and deeply uncertain.
And yet, this part matters too.
Faith Is For This Too
This is where faith isn’t glamorous.
This is where the enemy whispers, “Did God really say this?”
This is where we preach to ourselves what we already know but can’t quite feel:
“All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28
“I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you…” – Jeremiah 29:11
We quote it. We believe it. But let’s be real, it’s hard to feel any of it right now.
And maybe it’s not doubt.
Maybe it’s just what it looks like to keep walking when you can’t see the way.
To keep trusting when you’re running on empty.
To keep showing up when you don’t have answers, just obedience.
So What Now?
You stay.
You rest.
You cry if you need to.
You whisper prayers that don’t sound holy but are soaked in honesty.
You ask God to breathe on the ashes of everything you thought would happen.
And you trust that He’s still writing.
Still working.
Still leading.
Even if today doesn’t look like purpose, you’re still in the middle of His plan.
And His plans are always good, even when they’re hidden.
You keep showing up. Not because you see the fruit, but because you trust the root.
And if you’re reading this in your own wilderness, whether you’re a missionary, a mama, a leader, or just someone who thought life would look different by now, hear this:
You’re not alone.
You’re not failing.
You’re not forgotten.
You’re just in the middle of the story.
And the middle is where faith grows strong.
